Holy meltdown batman!
This morning I went into a meeting at work which was supposed to be about two different files. I thought I was only there for the first file, as I had handed off the second file a couple of months ago to a colleague. We started with the first file and got through it quickly, and I thought I would exit before the discussion on the second file began, but it turns out that I had unofficially been drafted back into the world of the second file. I was ticked.
This file was bad enough the first time around, but this time, I’m dealing with some intense issues in my personal life that relate to the content of this file, and it’s far too sensitive and toxic for me to get involved with again. Upon hearing I was supposed to be involved, I warned those present that this was a threat to my mental health, and no matter how hard I tried not to, I broke down. In the end, it was decided I would serve in an advisory capacity, assisting on the periphery. The best possible compromise.
As an employee or a student, I’ve become a very solid, reliable performer, but there are very rare times when I cannot ignore a question of personal values and principles which I know will put me in conflict with a task. I haven’t felt this way since before I left my former department. This is not the first time I’ve challenged a task based on principle.
As a student in a gender studies class, I took on the professor over the tone and subject of an assignment that left me seeing red. It was a risk I had to take because this assignment was designed in a way where dissent was clearly the way to a failing grade. In the end, a resolution was reached and I was released from the assignment, with the entirely of its value transferred to my final exam.
Like I said, these situations are quite rare for me, but when they do happen, it’s with great difficulty that I navigate through my own personal minefield of principles and work ethic. We all face those situations where our morals, values, ethics or principles are challenged, and I guess character is defined by how we handle those situations. In my case, it’s the price I pay in pursuit of a career in a field adjacent to politics.
Easy answers...
...Wish you were here.
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