April 26/13

I am not Rehtaeh Parson.  But I can't help but wonder if I would have been her.

I don't talk about this much, but I'm compelled to by the disgraceful "journalism" of the ever-obstinate Christie Blatchford.  This awful woman used her column in the National Post to victim blame and cherry-pick the facts of the case Rehtaeh had tried to bring against the four boys who raped her, took pictures, and sent those pictures around their community of Cole Harbor, NS.  Blatchford went all in, defending the boys and taking any and all opportunities to point the finger in the direction of Rehtaeh as being the perpetrator of an unprovable case.  Her opinion piece is so offensive, I refuse to even link to it here--If you want to read that trash, you'll have to seek it out yourself.

Rehtaeh's father took the high road in his response to Blatchford; it's kinder in tone than I would produce, had this woman, who knew nothing about my daughter or her life, decided to play judge and jury on a case she didn't have the first clue about.

Blatchford accuses Rehtaeh of flirting, giving consent, not being drunk enough, and being foolish enough to be partially photographed with one of the four accused.  She argues that there's no way this would stand up in court.

Well.  She would be surprised what can actually stand up in a court room in a sexual assault case.

More than 16 years ago, I was sexually assaulted while being close to black-out drunk.  The assailant fed me drinks all night as I lost track (at one point, my water was replaced with another drink somehow), and when I was good and blacking out, he separated me from my friends as closing time chaos ensued, and carried me to a couple of locations in the building to carry out the assault.  I had no interest in sex with him, and he knew it.  I wouldn't have consented, even if I wasn't so drunk that I could no longer legally give consent. 

I said he had to carry me to a couple of locations--that's because he got caught at the first site.   He was determined to have his way.  I sort of could feel sensations, like being carried up some stairs, but then I'd black out before I could figure out what was going on.  I came to in the middle of the assault, and scared, he rushed me down those stairs and tossed me out into the snow, where an acquaintance found me and helped me reach my residence, where the police were called.

I went through the whole experience: the questions, the rape kit, the humiliating call to my parents.  The investigation turned up evidence that I had been where I said I was, and that witnesses could place my actions throughout the night, up to and including him getting caught by a staff member at the first location, but not much more than that.  The rest of it would be my word against his.

At the preliminary hearing, I spent about four hours on the stand while his lawyer went into full attack mode, trying to get me to slip up (up the stairs, down the stairs, up the stairs, down the stairs...), but I didn't back down.  There were several other witnesses to be called, but my testimony took so long to get through, court was adjourned without having heard from them.

The assailant changed his plea from 'not guilty' to 'guilty'.

At the end of the day, he knew he stood no chance.  He'd bet on me not knowing or remembering enough to make a case.  And he lost.

Rehtaeh wasn't as lucky.  She didn't have a dedicated officer investigating her case, she didn't have a crown attorney who could be confident in moving forward, and worse still, she had actual photographic evidence and the bragging confessions of at least one of the assailants that was used to defile and hurt her among her peers and friends.  In many ways, on the face of it, her case seems stronger than mine did.  And she actually suffered for it.  She did a brave thing by going to the police, as so many never do, and yet she was punished for it.

I wonder...if pictures had been involved in my assault, would I have been in her position?  Would my friends and acquaintances have reacted the same way as her so-called friends and acquaintances?  If I hadn't had the right legal and social supports, would I too have ended my life?  We'll never know.  In the end, I was strong because I had great support, not judgment, nastiness or victim-blaming.

If you want to be stupid and judge me for being that drunk, I suggest you hit the road, because the law is on the side of the victim: when he or she is that impaired, consent can no longer be given or assumed.  I'm not to blame for being drunk.  He's to blame for breaking the law and committing a felony assault.

Rehtaeh...

...I wish you were here.