October 16/12

I don't like to reflect on the sadness that this day bears every year.  Eighteen years ago today, the community of Yellowknife, especially its high school population, was rocked by the deaths of two students in a terrible single-car collision that involved drunk driving.

Leading up to that point, I had lost a friend to a drug overdose, and my mother's cousin lost a son to disease, one of the tragic victims of the tainted blood scandal of the 80's.  What I didn't know on October 16, 1994, was that I was just days from losing my favourite uncle to stomach cancer.  He died on Hallowe'en.  While both high schools grieved the loss of a student, I was hit with just a tidal wave of death.  Of course I mourned the guys, Davey and Andrew; but I had just lost Jayson, and now a death of a second cousin.  That day, I collapsed at school under the weight of the grief.  Of course, almost everyone thought I was being a drama queen (comes naturally when you were, in fact, a drama queen), but almost everyone didn't know about the two other deaths in my life.  Compounding this was my uncle's death days later.  And it was decided only my father would attend the funeral in Fort Smith.  So when I lashed the fuck out at my bio teacher who was riding my ass for something in class, it was shocking to everyone there, given that I was generally a good student, not prone to disruption.  Once he learned about my uncle (which he could verify, as his parents lived in Fort Smith), he took it easy on me for a while.

Looking back over the years, other things have happened in October that give me so many reasons to truly hate and despise this month every year.  I hate that in the span of 27 days in 1994, so many people died around me.  I hate that a drunken friend's stupid, thoughtless actions led to one of my best friends being turned against me.  I hate that October was always fraught with stupid drama leading up to Hallowe'en dances. I hate that in October 2001, my Gramma suffered a stroke which contributed to her death a month later, and I hated that I spent every day for three weeks in the hospital, watching her slowly deteriorate.  Some wonderful things have happened to me in October, but they were overshadowed every year, like a curse, the months of October and November come upon me, signalling a long winter ahead.

Over the years, I've been learning to just shut up and stew in my hatred of October.

But this year has been different.  For the first time, I had such excitement and joy as I traveled to Switzerland and celebrated a new beginning with Etienne's family.  I saw fantastic places, I smiled, I ate, the sun was shining.  It was a dose of Life in October that I hadn't felt in years.

Reasons to smile...

...Wish you were here.