January 30/14

An apology...

Sorry for the disruption folks, but there have been so many happenings in the last month and a half that I had my hands full.  By way of an explanation, I need to be upfront and open up about the state of my mental health. 

Quite some years ago now, I was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective Depression.  I know I've discussed it in the past, and I'm always open about it.  In my opinion, it's not something I have to be ashamed of, and I do my best to be open and honest about it with people, particularly in the workplace--it's true, my energy and output can be affected, but never to the extent that has been the case this year.

This winter has been one of my worst.  Despite having good supports and understanding people around me, I've struggled with the depression more than I have in recent years.  I felt that it was going to be a tough winter early on, but I didn't expect the frequent and lengthy periods of Arctic-inspired weather in Ottawa which compounded the feeling that I was facing a rough winter.

Earlier this month, I ended up in tears at work, and I recognized that I was close to a meltdown.  I've had minor meltdowns at work before, and knowing that I am having a rough winter, I knew I had to act fast.  As it was close to the end of the work day, I pulled my manager aside for a private discussion and let her know I was in a bad state, close to an outburst, and we discussed some of the issues involved.  From that discussion, it was decided that I would work from home the next day.  I knew I had work to do, but I also knew that being in the office in my state could be a bad thing--there are all kinds of stimulati in my workplace, and there is no telling what might trigger the outburst.  I'm lucky to have a manager who recognizes and works with me to find solutions, so I spent the next day at home, working on projects that have lacked attention while I tended to more urgent responsibilities.  By the time I returned to the office the following day, it was clear that I had successfully averted the meltdown.

Earlier this week, there was a day sponsored by a large national company that focused on dialogue and discussion about mental health.  I won't name it specifically because I've got my beefs with that company, but I wholeheartedly support the focus.  Many, many people struggle with mental health issues and disorders in silence, feeling that they have nowhere to turn and there's nothing that can be done.  In making my decision all those years ago to forgo pharmaceutical therapies for my depression, I knew I would have to be open with people about it.  I don't do it to receive special treatment, I do it so that I can work with people in my life to find solutions to issues the my mental health can raise.  I have to be part of the solution.

You might not know that someone you care about is struggling quietly, but if you know me, hopefully the signs are a little more recognizable.

Be well...

...Wish you were here.